Referring to people by the gender and pronouns they determine for themselves is a basic part of human dignity.
GENDER SPECIFIC PRONOUNS
Gender-specific pronouns are the ways we refer to each other in the third person. Anyone has the right to change pronouns at any time and use whichever sets of pronouns they are most comfortable with. We also have the right to share pronouns with people who we want to know them. Some of us might use different pronouns with different people depending on who we are comfortable using them with.
GENDER NEUTRAL PRONOUNS
Some folks use gender neutral pronouns such as they, them, theirs, Ze, hir, xe, zie, and more. Gender neutral pronouns do not specify along the binary of female or male. If you are not sure what pronouns to use, always use the person’s name, and don’t assume pronouns based on your perceptions.
IMPORTANT NOTE FOR THE ADULT COMMUNITY
Faculty and staff hold positionality and are in a position of power. Asking students pronouns and consistently using them correctly helps students feel seen, affirmed, and respected.
WHAT IF I MAKE A MISTAKE?
If you make a mistake, say sorry. Apologize and move on. It can be tempting to explain your mistake, but please don’t! This then puts the person who has been misgendered in the uncomfortable place of feeling awkward and now needing to comfort you for your mistake.
WHAT TO DO IF I HEAR SOMEONE BEING MISGENDERED?
If you hear someone using the wrong pronoun for a friend or peer, you might want to approach the person who has been misgendered and let them know that you noticed them being misgendered. You can ask if it is OK for you to take the other person aside and remind them about the correct pronouns. Remember that you might know pronouns for a person that they haven’t shared with others, so having a private conversation about this might be appreciated.
HOW CAN I MAKE A CHANGE FOR THE BETTER?
SHARE!
If you feel comfortable doing so, share your pronouns. Sharing pronouns is a nice idea but not a requirement. It is a great way to create and normalize space for people to share their pronouns if you first share your own. It is also a great way to disrupt the normalization and privilege of assumption. You can share pronouns on your zoom screen, in your social media bios, in email, resume, and when you meet someone new.
ASK!
You cannot tell someone’s pronouns just by looking at them! Asking about and correctly using someone’s pronouns is a basic way to show respect.
RESPECT!
If someone takes the time to let you know their name and pronoun, use and respect it. It is not up to you to decide if you want to use the pronoun or not. Never refer to a person as “it” or as “he-she”. This is offensive and considered slurs against transgender and gender nonconforming individuals.
PRACTICE!
If you have difficulty using someone’s pronoun and name, practice.
Beth Ann Burkmar
Tova Meyer
Terry Tuttle